No Body Likes Me - The Dreaded Thought Nobody Wants to Have

A lot of us went thru lonely times as children, with the feeling that we were friendless, and that "nobody likes me". Unfortunately, there are those who never seem to lose this feeling.

Sometimes, people grow up in abusive homes, or homes that lack proper balance of love and discipline, and enter the big world as an adult with complexes and self esteem problems. Although I am not addressing this subject, this is definitely a needy group of people who can benefit by reaching outside of their isolated world for help.

But when this isn't the case for you, you may need to look inward to figure out why you have few friends. Ask yourself these questions:

Do I seem to have arguments with most people when engaged in a conversation?

Do I regularly find myself thinking, "I have a problem with that person because of _____________."?

Do I look at my own life, notice areas that I could improve on, but always excuse myself by saying things like, "Well, that's just the way I am.", or "You can't teach an old dog new tricks."?

When I talk to people, do I focus on the negative most of the time?

When I give compliments, are they half-hearted, and do I almost have to force myself to say them?

Do I say whatever comes to mind, no matter if it is hurtful or offensive?

Do most conversations revolve around me?

Do I say things to try to always get my way?

Do people always have to call me if we are going to talk?

Am I envious of others' accomplishments, wealth, talents, abilities, beauty, wardrobe, car, or other material things?

Do I feel that everyone is better off than I am, and that they have been given a better life?

Am I physical towards people, such as jokingly punching their arm or slapping them on the back?

Do I argue with people in front of others?

Do I argue with people until they see things my way?

Do I know how to say "I'm sorry." when I am wrong?

Do I harbor grudges for years?

Do I bring up people's past mistakes regularly?

Do you dominate most conversations?

Do you always know everyone else's business?

Do you have a habit of fibbing, exaggerating, or know that you have a problem with habitually lying?

If you are able to answer yes to even one of these questions, there is hope for your situation! When you are able to answer yes to more than one of these questions, you will hopefully start to see that you need to do some soul searching, and admit that the problem is.....you.

If you cannot see that you need improvement in your own life, look again at the questions above, and ask yourself how much you enjoy being around others with these traits. Do you like to be with someone who always has a chip on their shoulder, brings up your past mistakes over and over again, doesn't let you have your own opinion, and regularly says whatever pops into his/her mind, even though it is very hurtful?

Human beings generally desire friendship, and need interaction with others. If this rings true to you, but you feel like a friend-less person, let me offer a few suggestions.

1. CHANGE. If you are not willing to make some changes, you can stop reading this article right here. But if you are willing to change, it may take some time to build up trust in those around you. So when you begin to change, you will also need to be....

2. Patient. This may take some time, but it will be well worth it. After all, you may have another 20 to 50 years to reap the benefits of having true, fulfilling relationships all around you.

3. Look at the list above, and do some serious soul searching. Which of these questions are you guilty of? Make a mental note, or better yet, write them down. You may even want to keep a journal, so that you can refer to it, and also keep track of your progress, and notice if you are continuing to move forward, or if you are reverting back to old ways.

4. When you've made your list, either mentally, or on paper, you will be able to see where you can begin. If you are a negative person, find SOMETHING positive to say-ANYTHING! Tell a co-worker you love the color of her blouse, or tell someone what a great year you think 2010 is going to be. Say hello and happy new year to someone you pass on the street! Make a habit of this! But along with making this a habit, make sure that you are saying truthful things-don't lie just to fill the air. Search hard-you CAN find something positive to say.

5. If you know that you have bad communication habits, such as arguing regularly, lying, gossiping, or manipulating people to get your way, STOP. This will not happen easily-YOU will have to work on it, because you have allowed it to become part of your nature. Yes, you will fall short time and time again, but don't give up-it will get easier with time. The first step of getting past these bad communication habits is to admit that you have them, and then you can succeed at overcoming them.

6. Learn to say these two short words-"I'm sorry." Swallow your pride and apologize when you know you have wronged someone, or have been wrong. You can see that this type of pride has not benefited you anyway. No human being is perfect, so we all need to say those words occasionally. You will stand much taller in the eyes of the person you have wronged when you can say those two short words.

7. Respect people's personal space. Don't stand too close when conversing, don't punch their arm for fun, don’t slap their back when you approach them. If you have done this in the past, people will definitely be leery when you approach. You may want to apologize for these past violations (the physical ones), and it may take time to gain their trust. By all means, DO NOT apologize, AND THEN think it funny to punch their arm as one last joke. You may not get another chance to gain their friendship.

8. Respect people's feelings. Don't embarrass them in front of others by arguing loudly, telling them how awful their new outfit or hairstyle is, or bringing up their past. Say something nice, regularly. Allow people to have their own opinions that don't agree with yours. You won't win them over by trying to force them to believe like you anyway. Think outside of yourself. Don't get angry if someone doesn't agree with you. Don't share your opinion on every subject when you aren't asked, or when you disagree. And when you disagree, you can share a little bit of your opinion as to why, without offending. You will be welcome to share more once you learn how to share without offending or embarrassing others.

9. Listen. Listen. LISTEN. Remember that you have TWO ears and ONE mouth. Listen twice as much as you speak. Allow others to talk. Don't dominate every conversation. Don't interrupt someone's sentence with ideas of your own. Care about others' needs, concerns, and basically, just care about their lives! People like to be with people that they know care about them.

10. The last one I will list is this--Forgive. Forgive past grudges that you have held onto for years. Forgive human error in those around you. Forgive yourself. Let today be a new day, a fresh start, for those around you, and for yourself. Determine to change, so that you don't have to walk this lonely road any longer.

Maybe you feel that you've gone too far, now that you can see the areas that you need to improve upon, and that you won't be able to gain the friendship and trust from those around you. Is there anything you can do about it?

When people watch you over time, and see that you really have changed, then the friendships will come, even if they come slowly. But this is also a great time of opportunity to go out and meet new people, with your new ways of thinking and communicating. You can join a class of some sort, get a part time job, volunteer for a number of services that welcome volunteers, or help out a number of other causes that will welcome you.

This is one of the most worthy things you can do for yourself. Admitting that you need to change in order to make people comfortable around you, and to gain trust and friendships, will give you benefits throughout the rest of your life. And is it worth it? Yes! Yes! Yes!